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Home Industry Updates Dec 19 2022
Industry UpdatesDec 19 2022

R3 Resilience Training: Step 2 – the RESPOND Stage

By Paul Shearstone
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My first article introduced my own R3 (RECOGNIZE, RESPOND & RESOLVE) cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) approach. In the last issue, I stressed the importance of learning proven ways to clearly identify (RECOGNIZE) individual problematic issues (step 1 in a 3-step process) essential to begin a stress-management strategy. I shared a sample exercise from my newest book, “The Resilience Formula – Strategic Tools for Peak Performance.” In Step 2 I’ll highlight examples of simple techniques that can be easily learned and even taught to others.

R3 Resilience Training

But first, it’s necessary to understand a few empirical facts. Studies worldwide have determined that 90% – 95% of what people worry about on any given day never materializes! Moreover, the problems are usually never as bad as can be imagined, and never as good in the way of outcomes. They’re more often somewhere in the middle. So, what’s the takeaway? People in general waste too much time worrying about potential problems that have a 95% chance of never occurring! Try this test. Write down all the things that are currently worrying you, keep a daily diary, and you’ll see what I mean. You might say, “Okay, I’m willing to agree with the 95% theory. But what do I do to solve a real problem in the 5% – 10% range?” That’s a good question.

In his best-selling book The Power of Now, Canadian Eckhart Tolle says that if any problem truly presents itself, we always have 3 choices: 1. Take immediate action to eliminate it. If we can’t eliminate a problem, move to step 2, which is take action to minimize it. But if we also cannot immediately minimize a problem, then go to step 3 which is set it free! If you don’t set it free, your blood pressure will skyrocket, you’ll burn untold amounts of negative energy, and none of that will have any impact on your problem – only your health, stress level and peace of mind.

The predictable comeback I get from saying that is “It’s easier said than done!” And again, they’re right. Remember, Resilience training is both an art and a science requiring an acquired skill set that only comes from repetition and practice – like learning to play a piano. It’s hard at first, but with time and practice, it can be learned and the desired outcome from that (pleasure/accomplishment) is realized.

In my book, I share many psychological techniques to identify and Respond to uncontrollable problems, my favourite being Behavioural Triggers (BT). You know what a BT is, even if you think you don’t. Think back to your childhood. Did your father or mother ever hold up 3-fingers and say: “You have until the count of 3.” What took place? You instantly stopped misbehaving, evaluated your actions, and consciously changed your behaviour to avoid punishment. So powerful was the 3-finger gesture that your parents didn’t even have to utter a word.

As an adult, when faced with the inability to fix a problem, I use 3 BTs in a row to set it free. 1. “It is what it is!” reminding me that I cannot control it. 2. “I care, but not that much!” In other words, I do care, but never enough to waste time and energy on something I can’t change, thereby making myself miserable. Both the above are psychological techniques to separate myself from the problem. Next, I ask myself 3. “Now what?!” Now what is a 3-finger reminder to refocus on the things that I can change – my goals, my job, my family, my health. Feel free to establish your own triggers. Then, practice until you no longer need to think about them. They’ll eventually become part of your stress-management system.

In my next and final article, I’ll shed light on the final R in my R3 Resilience training strategy – RESOLVE. I welcome your input.

Paul Shearstone MACP, NLP, CCP is a Speaker, Best-Selling Author, Certified Coach, Neuro-Linguistic-Programing (NLP) Therapist and Psychotherapeutic Counselor. His newest book, The Resilience Formula: Strategic Tools for Peak Performance, is available at Amazon.ca and Chapters Indigo. Please visit www.paulshearstone.com or e-mail paul@paulshearstone.com

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Paul Shearstonehttp://www.paulshearstone.com
Paul Shearstone MACP, NLP, CCP is a Speaker, Best-Selling Author, Certified Coach, Neuro-Linguistic-Programing (NLP) Therapist and Psychotherapeutic Counsellor. His newest book, The Resilience Formula: Strategic Tools for Peak Performance, is available at Amazon.ca and Chapters Indigo. Please visit www.paulshearstone.com or e-mail paul@paulshearstone.com.

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